Midget Man

I have 2 dates tonight. Date 1 is with Ryan, a 30 year old trader who lives in Manhattan. I take the express bus in to meet him at Japonais on Park Ave and E 14th. I ask the bus driver which stop to get off at. It is obvious that no one has talked to him all day because he strikes up a conversation with and then creates a stop at the top of 14th and tells me to make sure I finish my partyin early enough to catch the bus home. I walk down to the bar and a cute looking guy is sitting at a stool in the corner. I walk up to him, say hello and sit down. The bartender comes up to me and looks exactly like Kim's friend Diane. I think its her and give her a wierd hello smile and stare trying to figure out if it really is her. Turns out its not and I look like a retard. I drink 2 glasses of wine and talk to Ryan about his life and his experience with the whole online dating thing. He says it hasnt been so bad but he gets matched with a lot of older women, so he says he likes that Im younger. I translate that to mean that he probably thinks Ill sleep with him sooner and party harder. I tell him I need to go at around 8 because I have to meet my friend. Date 2 is with Brett, a sales manager at AT&T. I went out with him twice so far. He came to me both times which I thought was pretty nice. We went for sushi the first time and to an italian restaurant the second time. He is 5'3" which is really short for a guy but based on my past experiences, I decide that I won't be so shallow. We meet up at the W hotel bar for a drink. Everything is going fine until he insists that I put on the hat that he brought for me. I obviously refuse. He tries to physically force it on my head as we are walking out the door to go to the restaurant for dinner. Im a little freaked out. We get in a cab and I tell him I really am not a fan of being told what to do. (he also told me he doesnt want me to go to the gym every day of the week because its not healthy and it was not in a friendly advice kinda way, it was in a do what I say kinda way). So then he looks at me and says Im kinda glad we had our first fight. What?! Our first fight! This is the third date! Im stuck with him for at least dinnner, so I just laugh and try to move on with the conversation. We go to Buddha Bar. First of all, it was packed with 19 year old girls dressed in club clothes. I have on a cowel neck sweater because he neglected to inform me of the dress code and I have never heard of Buddha Bar before. We wait 2 hours for a table, sit down at 1030 and cant hear each other because the music is so loud. There is actually a DJ in the dining room. So not my scene. We eat and then leave. The whole time he is apologizing for the wait and how loud it is. He then tries to force the hat on my head again when we go outside. At this point, Ive had enough of midget man. He throws the hat on the floor. Im assuming this is because he is mad I wont put it on. Like I care if his hat is on the floor. So we start walking toward my bus stop. He thinks were gonna have another drink, Im planning to run as soon as I see the bus. We go into a cafe to wait for the bus since its cold and he is complaining that Im not standing next to him. The bus comes, I turn to him and tell him Thank you but I dont think this is going to work out anymore. I get on the bus and sit next to a cute looking but probably gay guy. Next thing I know, Im being woken up by someone saying This is your stop. I look up and do not recognize the person. He says, are you ok? Im still confused I say yes and get off the bus. As Im walking to my car, I start to realize what happened. I fell asleep on the cute gay guy and he must have asked me what stop I needed to get off at, which is how he knew to wake me up. I think that I actually had my head nestled onto his shoulder. Picture it. Yup, this is something that would only happen to me.

Meet the parents

Pete is a 30 year old who works for a pharmaceutical company. I dont know exactly what he does, but it has something to do with sales. The first date is fine. He takes me to a sushi restaurant in hoboken (Teak). The food is really good and the conversation flows. He has some sort of wierd hairstyle. Its sorta like a comb over but not really. He just needs a haircut and it would look fine. Besides that, he is cute. Second date, he takes me to a vineyard in NJ. He packs cheese and crackers and we get a bottle of wine and listen to music while we hang out. It was a beautiful day and that kinda thing is right up my alley, so it was nice. Afterwards, he takes me to a really nice restaurant. A few days pass and he calls me and says pack your bags. Um, excuse me. Pack my bags for what? He says he has plans for us to do something and it is kinda far away so it would be easier if we just slept there. Yea, easier. Easier for you to get in my pants. I dont think so. I tell him no, obviously and explain that I typically dont go away with someone and/or sleep with them after two dates. He apologizes and asks me if I will still go to this planned event as he has tickets and thinks Ill like it. Blah Blah. Ok, so I say yes. I was trying to be polite. Big mistake. I still have no idea where we are supposed to be going. After asking him a million times, he finally tells me that we are going to an OAR concert. I love OAR! Ok, so he jumped the gun a little, he meant well. He tells me to meet him in NJ at his place and says he will drive. So I get there and pull up to this huge house. I think to myself O god, 30 and he lives with his parents. I call him, hoping he will meet me outside. He says Why don't you come in. Out loud I say Ok, sure. In my head, its more like Jesus Christ, I dont wanna go in there! He opens the door, says come in, I want you to meet my parents. My worst fears have come true! His parents look like 2 of the most boring people in the world and this assumption is shortly confirmed. They say Hi nice to meet you and thats it. They then stare at me. I tell them they have a beautiful house, comment on the weather, and then look at him, hoping he will say we need to leave. He doesnt, I say it and we go. On the way to the concert, I start asking him about his past relationships and at that point he starts skirting around the issue. SO then I blatantly ask him, Have you ever been married? He hesitates. O god, here we go. He explains that he is divorced and then bad mouths the girl and blames the demise of the relationship on her. Of course it has to be her fault, right. It cant be that he had anything to do with it. The concert is awesome. The whole time he is trying to touch me and put his arm around me. I am so not feeling it and Im completely turned off after meeting the parents on date 3. Needless to say, no date 4.

A younger guy

Usually, I date older guys. I think its because they are more established in their careers and just seem to have a better grasp on what they are looking for, both in life and with women. But, I'm not opposed to trying new things and I wind up thinking the bartender is cute when I'm out with some friends one night. They told me he was younger, but I didnt realize exactly how young until I already committed to going out with him. He is 3 years younger than me. That does not sound like a big difference, but that is my sister's age and he is still in college and he still lives at home and he shovels snow to make extra money in the winter. Yup, really. The first date is drinks at a bar. Everything is fine and he seems really nice. I'm debating about the whole age thing when he text messages me and asks me to go out with him again. Ok, he seemed really nice and hes cute, what difference does it make how old he is. So we go to a sushi restaurant. Dinner is good and we actually both work in a school so we have a lot in common, except for the fact that I make more money than him which he mentions at dinner. He actually even asked me how much I make because he is still in college and debating what he wants to major in. So he asked the question like it was for the purposes of deciding on a major and not just to be nosy. Whatever, now I feel stupid because he shovels snow for an hour to make $10. So when the check comes, I take out money and put it on the table. He looks at me and says "Oh, you want to split it." I say "No, thats ok. Just put this in the bill." He takes my money, puts it with the check, and says thanks. At least, we didnt fight about it. So after dinner, we go to get a drink at a bar. He puts his jacket down and tells me to get him a drink. Hmmm, ok, I order them. We chat for a while and then its time to go. He asks me if I paid for the drinks. In my head Im saying Did I pay for the drinks? Um, no I paid for dinner, why dont you pay for the drinks. Outloud, I smile and say no. He takes out some singles and a $5. The bartender says its on her since I knew her from high school. He asks me if he should leave a tip. In my head, I say Should you leave a tip? Yea, obviously being that you paid for nothing all night. Outloud, I just say Yes. Bottom line, I dont do younger guys.

Jumping off the Bridge

Picture it. Belmar. Djais. Fist pumpers galore. I'm dancing and having a good time with my friends. I see this hot looking guy and at this point, I've already had enough drinks to care less about consequences. So, I go up to him and start dancing. Now, I am a terrible dancer. I have recently earned the nickname T-Rex because of the tiny little punches I do with my arms and fists when I attempt dancing. He is into me immediately which leads me to believe he is either drunk or bored cause it sure as hell cant be that I look attractive doing my T-Rex punches. At some point the bartenders announce last call. Thank god! So I invite him back to our house to hang out for a while. My friends and I have a bet that I am not the type of girl that can hook up with a guy and not have some sort of relationship with him afterwards. On the walk back to the house, I insist that I am going to prove them wrong with my newfound fist pumping friend. The next morning, fist pumper asks if I would like to hang out at the beach. I say ok and he leaves. I get screamed at that I cannot hang out with him as I would automatically lose the bet. I convince them that its within a 24 hour time frame, so it will still count. We go to the beach and then he invites me out for dinner. Its the end of August and fist pumper and I wind up dating for about 3 months. My friends were right, when guys hang out with me, they fall into some black relationship hole where neither one of us can escape until something wierd happens. Now fist pumper was not 100% normal from the beginning. He seemed to have some anger management issues all along. Example #1, he forgot cash one night when we went to get ice cream. I paid for the ice cream, no big deal. He cursed and yelled at the ice cream man for not accepting credit cards. Hmmm, strange. Example #2, I went to his place to hang out. I had work the next day, and it was starting to get late. I told him I had to leave and he started yelling that if I was going to leave so early I should not have come at all. Um, ok. Example #3, I looked through his phone (I know, so Im a little psychotic also) and found that he was text messaging another girl (Melissa) about hanging out. And it was not hanging out to get ice cream! I didnt want him to know that I found out by looking through his phone, so I told him his brother mentioned something about "Melissa" and I innocently asked him who she was. He left my shore house and went back to his house (which was like 2 blocks away) and without saying anything punched his brother in the face. I know I started it and I was wrong for looking through his phone, but his reaction was a little off. Now, for some reason I seem to be attracted to crazy guys. Ha, what does that say about me? But, this was starting to get to be a bit much. My breaking point was when he was driving me home one night. (He lived in Jersey and I live in NY). We're driving over the bridge and he turns to me and says "Did you know that if you throw someone over the bridge right before you jump, they will break your fall". I looked at him and simply said "No, I didnt know that". His response was "Yea, when I was thinking about commiting suicide, I found that out." I have no idea what type of response he was looking for from me, but I just said "Oh" and silently prayed to God that I would make it home alive. That was our last date and my one and only attempt at finding love down the jersey shore.

Meathead

Mike is a 24 year old trader that lives in New Jersey and works in Jersey City. He sounds nice on the phone and when we meet in person, he is hot! He clearly works out daily and has an awesome body. I'd give his face 8/10. So overall, he is looking pretty good! He comes to me and we go to a sushi restaurant. The first 5 minutes of conversation is fine, then things start to go down hill. He asks me what I do for a living and I tell him. He doesn't get it. I try to explain it to him and he just keeps asking me questions, like "Oh, so you're a nurse." I explain again. "Oh, so you're like a social worker". I explain again and after the third time, I just smile and say "Thats ok, its kinda hard to understand." Then we start talking about Autism because he at least understands that I work with children that are autistic. In the middle of a story I was telling him about work, he says "Get outta here! Autistic kids can talk!" I explain that there are a lot of variations of autism and yes, some kids can speak. Ok, maybe he has never heard about autism. We talk a bit more and then he asks me where Long Island is in relation to where we are. I have no idea why he is asking this question. I tell him and he says, "Oh, I thought you had to drive through NJ to get to Long Island". Nope and what is the relevance of this question anyway. I start to realize he is like a ditzy blonde on steroids. After dinner, he suggests we go to a bar for a drink. Ok, so we go. More retardo conversation where he continually proves the meathead stereotype. I thought he literally meant one drink which is all I had. Every time, I try to say Ok, I need to go, he orders another beer. For my one drink, he has 4 beers before he realizes that I am not drinking any more. He seems like a sweet guy, but I need to be able to have a somewhat intelligent conversation for this to work. There is no date 2.

low self-esteem + drunk = disaster

Mike is a 24 year old guy who lives in Hoboken and works in the financial district in the city. At the time of our date, he was 1 year younger than me. We meet at a bar in Hoboken and things are going pretty well at first. He has a funny/sarcastic sense of humor and the conversation flows pretty easily. We have 2 drinks at this bar. Then it gets really crowded so we decide to go to a different bar. At bar #2, Mike has 2 drinks for each one of mine. So at this point, he has probably had 6 mixed drinks. I have to drive back home so I am tipsy, but fine at this point. Suddenly, Mike becomes uncomfortable and asks me repeatedly if I'm having a good time. I say yes, but the conversation is starting to get a bit strained. He tells me I look bored. I dont know what he wants me to do. Should I be drunk and standing on a bar stool? How do I look bored? Is it because he is beginning to slur at this point and I can still say the letter "S" clearly? After the 10th, "Are you sure you're having a good time?" I decide I'm not and its time to go. We walk outside and he walks me to my car, then gets in the passenger seat. Um, does he think he is coming home with me? I'm trying to get away from him. He asks me to drive him to his block which is about 4 blocks away. Is he serious? Fine, I cant physically remove him from the car and Im still trying to be polite so I do it. He stumbles out of the car and apologizes saying he knows I had a bad time. Word of advice to Mike: I was fine. Grow a set, man up, and get some confidence.